Yesterday was the saddest day of my life. Literally.
Imagine driving away from a home that you shared with your son for three years. Imagine leaving that son, alone, while you head off to a far-away place, where you won’t be available to run to his rescue whenever he calls. Heck, imagine not even being available by phone if you were needed.
Yesterday, I left for Dallas for a week’s worth of training before heading off to Africa for five weeks. I bawled all the way to Oklahoma, and then off and on throughout Oklahoma and Texas. Tears have trickled from my eyes randomly throughout the day, and even now as I write.
After I return from Africa, I’ll be remaining in Dallas for a year (for even more training) before permanently moving to Africa. So yesterday’s parting was a final page in the chapter of the eighteen years of Antonio’s and my life together.
Even worse for me, Antonio will become a husband and a father while I’m out of the country. I realize that this will be the first of many, many milestones that I will miss while on the missions field.
Big life transitions are tough. The one thing that has been continually encouraging me, and kept me from literally turning the car around three times on my way out of town, is Matthew 10:37. Jesus said, “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
It occurred to me somewhere in Texas that, as difficult as this is, as hard as it is to push myself into this new phase of life, God did something vastly more difficult. God sent His son to earth, knowing Jesus would die, and knowing he would have to turn his back on his only son as he bore the sins of the world. Suddenly my sadness seemed petty in comparison.
If God could do this for me, the least I could do is value His call over my ties to family. I’m trying valiantly to be worthy.